What Happens at Funerals, Wakes, and Viewings: Key Differences Explained

When someone dies, families are often asked to make decisions about a viewing, a funeral and a wake within a matter of days, frequently without ever having been told what each one actually involves. This guide explains what happens at each, how they differ, and how to decide which of them are right for your family.

The three are separate events with separate purposes. A viewing is a private goodbye before the funeral, the funeral is the formal ceremony, and the wake is the gathering afterwards. You are not obliged to hold all three, and many families do not.

The Three Events Compared

If you read nothing else on this page, this table covers the practical differences families ask us about most often.

What Happens at a Viewing

A viewing, sometimes called a visitation or a chapel visit, is an arranged time for family and close friends to spend a short while with the person who has died. They will have been cared for, dressed and placed in the coffin, and they rest in the chapel of rest at the funeral home.

There is no set format. Most visits last somewhere between fifteen and thirty minutes. Some people sit quietly, some talk to their loved one, some pray, some place a letter, a photograph or a small keepsake in the coffin. Others simply stand for a moment and leave. All of that is normal, and none of it is wrong.

Deciding whether to attend

This is the part families worry about most, and it is worth saying plainly that there is no correct answer. Some people find that seeing their loved one one last time makes the death real in a way that helps them grieve. Others carry a clear final memory they would rather keep, and choosing not to attend protects that. Within one family, different people will decide differently, and that is entirely normal.

A few practical points are worth knowing before you decide. You can ask us in advance how your loved one looks, and we will answer honestly. You can bring children, and you can change your mind at the door. You can ask for the coffin to be closed and still sit with them. You can come more than once. If you would like to know more about how this works in practice, our page on visiting your loved one sets out what to expect.

Some religious and cultural traditions treat time with the body as an essential part of mourning rather than an option. In those cases the arrangements are usually made quickly and may involve larger numbers of visitors, so tell your funeral director early if this applies to your family.

What Happens at a Funeral

The funeral is the formal ceremony that marks a person’s death, and it takes place before or at the point of burial or cremation. In the United Kingdom it usually happens one to two weeks after the death, though the timing depends on religious tradition, whether a coroner is involved, how busy the chosen venue is, and how long the family needs to gather.

The legal steps sit alongside the ceremony rather than replacing it. GOV.UK sets out the first deadline clearly.

Where funerals are held

• A church, chapel or other place of worship
• A crematorium chapel
• Our Kingshill House Service Room, which seats up to 40 guests
• A natural or woodland burial ground
• A place that mattered to the person who died, subject to permission

What the service usually includes

The shape of the service is largely yours to decide. A traditional religious funeral will follow an order of service with hymns, prayers and scripture readings, led by a minister. A celebration of life led by a civil or independent celebrant may have no religious content at all, and instead build the service around a life story, favourite music, poems and tributes from family and friends.

Most services, whatever their style, include a welcome, a tribute or eulogy, a piece of music or two, a moment of reflection, and the committal. Many families now add a photograph slideshow or a webcast for relatives who cannot travel. Our guide to planning a funeral covers each of these elements in turn.

Burial or cremation

Cremation is now by far the more common choice in Britain. The Cremation Society of Great Britain recorded 522,733 cremations across the British Isles in 2024, which is about 80% of all funerals. The figure varies sharply by nation, at roughly 82% in England and Wales, 72% in Scotland and around 23% in Northern Ireland, where burial remains the tradition for most families.

The Committal Explained

The committal is the point in the service where the body is formally released for burial or cremation. It is short, it is usually the most emotionally charged moment of the day, and families are often surprised by it because nobody has explained in advance what will physically happen.

• At a burial. The committal takes place at the graveside. The coffin is lowered into the grave while words of committal are read. Mourners are often invited to scatter a handful of earth or a flower.
• At a cremation. The committal takes place in the crematorium chapel. Depending on the building, a curtain may close around the coffin, the coffin may move out of view, or it may simply stay where it is while the words are said. You can ask for any of these, including asking for nothing to move at all.

You are allowed to ask what will happen before the day. Knowing whether a curtain closes, and when, removes a great deal of anxiety for people who are dreading that moment.

What Happens at a Wake

A wake is the gathering held after the funeral, where people eat, drink and talk about the person who has died. It is the least formal part of the day and often the part people remember most warmly, because it is where the stories come out.

The word itself comes from the older practice of keeping watch over the body overnight before burial. That original meaning survives in some Irish and Catholic traditions, where the wake takes place before the funeral with the body present in the family home. In most of Britain today, the word simply means the gathering afterwards.

Where wakes are held

• The family home, which keeps costs down and feels personal
• A pub or restaurant, often with a private room
• A hired function room, village hall or community centre
• A golf, rugby, cricket or social club the person belonged to
• The Wake Room at Kingshill House
• An outdoor space that meant something to them

What actually happens

Refreshments are served, people move between small groups, and the atmosphere lifts as the afternoon goes on. Laughter at a wake is normal and is not disrespectful. Many families put out photographs, a memory book for people to write in, or a playlist of music the person loved. Some ask a family member to say a few informal words, though there is no obligation to make speeches at all.

Practical tips from families we have supported: decide in advance roughly how long you want it to run, ask two or three people to help host so the closest relatives are not managing the room, and do not feel you must stay to the end of your own gathering.

How the Three Fit Together

Where all three take place, they follow a natural order, and each does something the others cannot.

1. The viewing comes first.A private farewell in the days beforehand, for the people who want one. It asks nothing of you publicly.
2. The funeral is the centre of the day.The formal ceremony, the tributes and the committal. This is the part that carries the ritual and the dignity.
3. The wake closes it.The return to ordinary human company. It is where grief is shared rather than performed, and where the day softens.

Not every family holds all three. Some arrange a direct cremation with no service at all and hold a memorial gathering weeks later, when the shock has passed and relatives can travel. Others hold a full church funeral followed by a large wake. Both are complete and proper farewells.

What Each One Costs

Cost is one of the most searched questions about funerals and one of the least openly discussed, so here are the current national figures rather than vague reassurance.

Two things follow from those numbers. First, the gathering afterwards is a substantial part of the total, so it is worth deciding early whether you want a catered function room or sandwiches at home. Second, the range is very wide, and a meaningful funeral does not require the average spend.

Frequently Asked Questions

Deciding What Is Right for Your Family

Cultural background, faith, the wishes the person left, the size of the family and simple practicality all feed into this decision. There is no template. What follows is what we would say to any family sitting across the table from us.

• Start with what they would have wanted, then check it against what the living can manage.
• You can separate the events. The cremation can happen quietly now and the gathering can happen in the spring.
• Ask what will physically happen at the committal. Knowing removes most of the dread.
• Nobody has to attend anything. Not the viewing, not the wake, not any of it.

Hillier Funeral Service can arrange and prepare viewings at our chapels across each of our funeral homes, organise a funeral service that reflects the life and the wishes of the person who died, advise on suitable wake venues, and guide you through the practical and personal decisions at your own pace. If you are still choosing a funeral director, our list of questions to ask a funeral director may help.