Planning a Meaningful Farewell: Your Funeral Service Checklist

A funeral service is a sequence of decisions, and almost all of them are made in the first few days, by people who are grieving and have never done this before. The checklist below sets those decisions out in the order they actually arrive, from registering the death to the morning of the funeral itself, with current figures and official guidance alongside each one so you can see what is required, what is optional and what things really cost.

Figures on this page are from the SunLife Cost of Dying Report 2026, GOV.UK and the Competition and Markets Authority. All sources are listed in full at the end. Prices vary by region and by supplier, so please treat the averages as a guide rather than a quotation.

1 Register the death

Nothing else can be booked until the death is registered. Since the medical examiner system was introduced across England and Wales, the clock no longer starts on the day of the death. It starts when the medical examiner’s office confirms you may proceed.

The appointment itself is usually short. Take as much of the following as you can find, though a missing document is rarely a reason to delay.

• Confirmation from the medical examiner’s office that you may register.
• The birth certificate and marriage or civil partnership certificate of the person who died, if you have them.
• Their NHS number or medical card, along with proof of your own identity.
• Their address, date and place of birth, occupation and, if they were married or in a civil partnership, their partner’s details.
• Any pension or benefit details, which the registrar may ask about.

What you leave with matters more than what you bring.

2 Decide burial, cremation or direct

This one choice shapes everything that follows, because it determines the venue, the timing, the cost and how much flexibility you have over the service.

Across the UK in 2025, attended cremations accounted for 53% of funerals, burials for 26%, and direct cremations for 21%. Direct cremation has grown from 3% in 2019, which is the single largest shift the sector has seen in two decades.

Choosing a direct funeral does not mean going without a farewell. Of those who arranged a direct cremation, 86% still held a gathering, a wake, a memorial service or a combination of the three, either before or afterwards. Separating the committal from the celebration simply gives you more time to plan it.

3 Choose and brief your funeral director

You are allowed to compare, and the law is designed to help you do it. Since 2021 every funeral director in the UK has been bound by a competition order that governs how prices are published.

In practice that gives you three things. A standardised price list, shown in branch and on the website, no more than one click from the homepage. An additional options price list covering coffins, flowers, transport and everything else advertised. And the prices charged by local crematorium operators, in a set format, so you can see what is the funeral director’s fee and what is a third party charge.

Use that transparency, then judge the rest on how you are treated. These are the questions worth asking at the first meeting.

• May I see your standardised price list? A good firm will hand it over before you ask.
• Which of these charges are yours and which are disbursements? Crematorium fees, doctors’ fees and officiant fees pass straight through.
• Where will my loved one be cared for? Ask whether they remain on the premises and whether you may visit.
• Who will look after us on the day? Ask whether you will deal with the same person throughout.
• What happens if we change our minds? Establish what is refundable and up to what point.
• Are you independent? Ownership and any material business interests must be disclosed under the same order.

Beyond price, local knowledge is worth real money here. An established firm knows which crematoria have availability, which churches allow what, which venues have step free access and which suppliers are reliable. You can see what we do and how we help, or visit any of our funeral homes to talk it through in person.

4 Shape the service itself

Most funeral services follow the same three part shape, whatever the belief behind them. It opens with entrance music, a welcome from the officiant and opening words or prayers, usually around 5 minutes. The middle is the tribute and remembrance, holding the eulogy, personal tributes, readings and music, which typically runs 15 to 25 minutes and is the heart of the whole thing. It closes with reflection and farewell: a moment of silence or the committal, a final blessing, and exit music, in another 5 to 10 minutes.

Most crematorium slots run to about 30 or 45 minutes in total, so ask what your chosen venue allows before you plan the content. Churches and independent venues are generally more flexible.

Choosing the type of ceremony

There are four broad choices. A religious service is a full liturgy led by a minister, or a mainly personal service with a few religious elements included. A non religious ceremony carries no religious content and is usually led by a civil celebrant or humanist officiant. A celebration of life is built entirely around the person, their work, their humour and their relationships. A memorial service is held separately from the burial or cremation, which buys you time and allows more people to attend.

The eulogy and the readings

Decide early who will speak, because that person needs time. A eulogy of 5 to 10 minutes is plenty, and roughly 750 to 1,200 words fills it comfortably. Agree a fallback in advance: name someone who will read it if the speaker cannot get through it on the day, which is common and nothing to be embarrassed about.

Music

Music does more than anything else to set the tone. Nationally, ‘Abide with Me’ is now the most played piece at UK funerals, having replaced ‘My Way’ by Frank Sinatra, which remains the top choice among people planning their own send off. Only 16% of people have ever chosen a funeral song for themselves, so in most families the choice falls to those left behind. Check the format before you settle on a track: most crematoria use a licensed music system and can play almost anything, but live performance, unusual recordings and personal files need arranging in advance. Our guidance on funeral music and on non religious funerals covers both.

5 Add the personal touches

This is where a service stops being a formality. The direction of travel is clear: 58% of families now describe the funeral they arranged as a celebration of life, up from 51% the year before and a rise of 27% since 2017. Seven in ten funeral directors report the same shift.

Funeral directors also report which personal touches have become normal rather than unusual: streaming the service so distant family can watch (50%), inviting people through social media (15%), colourful clothing rather than black (7%), video recording of the service (7%) and personalised coffins (4%).

• A photograph display or slideshow covering the whole life rather than the final years.
• Flowers in their colours, or a single arrangement with donations to charity instead of the rest.
• Objects that say who they were, whether that is a fishing rod, a football shirt, a pair of walking boots or a sewing basket.
• A memory book for guests to write in, which is often the thing families treasure most a year later.
• A webcast link for anyone who cannot travel, along with a recording for those who cannot face the day itself.
• An order of service booklet, which doubles as the keepsake most people keep.

Ask for what you want, even if it sounds unusual, because very little is genuinely not allowed. Our pages on making the funeral unique and on photographs and webcasts cover what is possible and what needs booking in advance.

6 Settle the practical arrangements

Practical problems are the ones people remember for the wrong reasons, and nearly all of them come down to venue, access and timing.

• Capacity. Estimate attendance honestly. A half empty chapel feels wrong, and a full one with people standing outside feels worse.
• Accessibility. Step free entry, seating for those who cannot stand for long, accessible toilets and a hearing loop.
• Parking. Crematorium car parks fill quickly when services run back to back. Say in the invitation where the overflow is.
• Audio and visual. Confirm that the venue can play your music and show your slideshow, and that someone is operating it.
• Timing. Allow for people travelling long distances, and for any religious or cultural requirements about the day or hour.
• Order of service booklets. Print more than you think you need, because they become keepsakes and people take spares.
• The wake. Choose the venue, agree catering, decide on a condolence book and confirm numbers a few days beforehand.

Put one person in charge of the wake, and it does not have to be you. Grieving and hosting at the same time is genuinely hard, so a friend or a cousin who was fond of the person but is not in the immediate family is usually the ideal choice.

7 Set the budget honestly

Spending more does not make a funeral better, and the trade says so itself.

The national picture sets the frame. A simple attended funeral averages £3,828 and a traditional attended funeral £4,510, the largest yearly rise since 2016. The send off extras add a further £1,312 on average, bringing the typical total to £5,140. Where you live matters too: the same simple attended funeral averages £3,105 in Northern Ireland and £4,897 in London, a difference of 58%.

Where families actually save money

• Flowers. One family tribute and donations to charity instead of the rest. This is the most common saving families make.
• The coffin. A simpler coffin changes the invoice considerably and changes the service very little.
• The wake at home, at a community hall or at a local pub, rather than a hired venue with full catering.
• Time of day. An early or late slot, or a day outside peak times, can reduce crematorium and venue fees.
• Transport. Families increasingly make their own way rather than hiring limousines.
• Friends and family. A musical friend, a family reader and a home printed order of service all remove professional fees.

If money is genuinely a worry

Say so at the first conversation, not the last. Around 15% of families report notable financial concerns when paying for a funeral, and on average they have to find £2,365 themselves. Of those families, 70% report an effect on their mental health. Support exists: the Funeral Expenses Payment for people on qualifying benefits, though it covers approximately 48% of the total cost on average, along with any pre paid plan, life policy or pension death benefit the person may have held.

8 The final week and the day itself

By this point your funeral director should be carrying almost all of it. These are the few things that stay with the family.

• Send the final music files, photographs and slideshow to the funeral director, and confirm the running order.
• Confirm every speaker and reader, and make sure each has a printed copy of what they are reading.
• Tell everyone the timings, the venue, the parking, the dress code and where the wake is.
• Confirm numbers with the wake venue and agree what time the room is available from.
• Decide who travels in which car, and where the family will gather beforehand.
• Nominate someone to greet people so the closest family are not receiving condolences at the door.

In the same week your funeral director will confirm the venue bookings and timings, distribute the order of service to the officiant, musicians and readers, arrange the transport and the route, coordinate the flowers and their delivery times, and make sure someone is operating the music and any visual tribute on the day. You should expect a final call to run through all of it with you.

One last thing, and it sounds trivial: eat something on the morning and keep water with you. Every funeral director will tell you it is the single most common reason someone struggles on the day.

Talking about wishes in advance

Most of the difficulty in this checklist comes from one thing: not knowing what the person would have wanted.

Only 30% knew any preference about music or readings, 33% knew whether a religious service was wanted, and fewer than 1% knew all of their loved one’s wishes. Yet arranging a funeral prompts 65% of people to start thinking about their own, and 35% have since made a will.

Writing it down takes twenty minutes and removes most of this burden from the people you leave behind. You can record your funeral wishes without paying for anything, or fix the cost of the funeral itself with a pre paid funeral plan.

How we can help

We are a family run firm, and we look after families across Swindon and the surrounding area. If you are at the very beginning of this, our page on what to do when someone dies covers the first 48 hours, and the first step explains what happens when you call us.

Our support does not stop on the day of the funeral. Our bereavement care service is provided free of charge to the families we look after, and our wider support services continue for as long as you need them.

Common questions