Planning a Meaningful Farewell: Your Funeral Service Checklist

Most of us have never arranged a funeral before. When the moment comes, it tends to arrive at one of the hardest points in your life – and yet there is a great deal to think about, and it can feel as though decisions need to be made before you have had a chance to breathe.

The most important thing to know is this: you do not have to work through any of this alone. At Hillier Funeral Service, we will take the weight of the arrangements, guide you through every decision, and make sure nothing is missed. Their job is not simply to organise the practical details – it is to care for you and your family throughout, from the very first call to long after the service is over.

We’ve created this checklist to help local families in Swindon and communities across Wiltshire. It sets out what needs to happen, and in what order, so you know what to expect. Most of it is handled on your behalf. Your role is to make the choices that matter – and we are here to help you make them.

A note about timing: there is very little on this checklist that has to be finalised immediately. Most arrangements can be shaped gradually as plans come together – nothing is locked in at a first meeting with a funeral director, and we will always make sure you understand what is confirmed and what can still be adjusted.

1 Register the Death

One of the first formal steps after a death is to register it at the local register office. The local register office – in the district where your loved one died – is the quickest and simplest option, as they hold the relevant records and can issue the necessary documents on the day of your appointment. If getting to the local office is difficult it is also possible to make a declaration at a register office closer to where you live, though this can take a little longer as the paperwork needs to be passed between offices. Your funeral director will be happy to advise on the best route for your circumstances.

Since the medical examiner system was introduced across England and Wales, there is one step to wait for before you can register the death: confirmation from the medical examiner’s office that you may proceed.

Once you have that confirmation, you have 5 days to register the death in England and Wales, or 8 days in Scotland – including weekends and bank holidays. If you need more time, let the register office know as soon as you can.

The appointment itself is usually quite short. Bring as much of the following as you can find; if a document is missing, the registrar will usually be able to work around it.

What to bring

• Confirmation from the medical examiner’s office that you may register the death.
• The birth certificate and marriage or civil partnership certificate of the person who died, if you have them.
• Their NHS number or medical card, along with proof of your own identity.
• Their address, date and place of birth, occupation, and – if married or in a civil partnership – their partner’s details.
• Any pension or benefit details the registrar may ask about.

The most important thing you will leave with is the Certificate for Burial or Cremation – often called the ‘green form’. This goes to your funeral director, and the funeral cannot take place without it.

2 Choosing Between Burial, Cremation, or Direct Cremation

This is the one choice that shapes much of what follows – the venue, the timing, the cost, and how much flexibility you have over the service. There is no right or wrong answer, and whatever you choose, it will be the right decision for your family.

If you are not sure, do not worry – your funeral director will talk you through all the options without any pressure, and nothing needs to be decided at the first conversation.

Cremation

A cremation at your chosen crematorium, with a service held beforehand – led by a minister, celebrant, or someone the family has chosen. In the Swindon area, families can choose between Kingsdown Crematorium and North Wiltshire Crematorium, and we work with both regularly. For families who would prefer a more intimate or flexible setting, our own Kingshill House Service Room in Old Town Swindon is a beautiful alternative to a crematorium chapel. You have a great deal of flexibility over music, readings, and personal elements, and the service can be shaped to feel entirely unique to the person.

A cremation with an attended service is the most commonly chosen option in the UK, accounting for more than half of all funerals. After the cremation, ashes can be scattered, kept, or interred, and there are many options for a lasting memorial.

Burial

A funeral with a graveside committal accounts for about a quarter of all funerals in the UK. Burial offers a permanent place to visit and the option of a headstone or memorial. Many families choose to hold the service at a local church before proceeding to the graveside – St Sampson’s Church in Highworth and Christ Church in Old Town Swindon are among the local places of worship we work with regularly, though any church or place of worship can be arranged. We work with cemeteries across Swindon and Wiltshire, and will help you think through location, whether a family plot exists, and any local regulations around headstones.

Direct cremation

A direct cremation is a cremation that takes place without a formal attended service at the crematorium. If you choose this type of send off with Hillier’s, your loved one is cared for with the same dignity and respect as any other arrangement – there is simply no service at the crematorium on the day of the cremation itself.

Many families choose this option because they want to hold a separate, unhurried memorial in a place that is meaningful – a favourite pub, a family garden, a community hall – at a time that works for everyone who needs to be there. Separating the committal from the celebration gives you more time to plan and more choice over venue and date.

A direct cremation is not a lesser farewell. It is simply a different shape of one. Direct cremation has grown significantly in recent years – from fewer than one in twenty funerals in 2019 to more than one in five today – as more families come to see it as a thoughtful and dignified choice.

We have a full guide to direct and unattended cremations on our website, including what the process involves and what families typically choose to do afterwards.

Comparing the options at a glance

The figures below are national averages broken down by type of funeral. They read a little differently from the overall averages in the budget section further down, which blend burial and cremation together into a single figure for each service level.

3 Choosing a Funeral Director

For most people, choosing a funeral director is something they have never had to do before – and they are doing it at one of the hardest points in their lives. You may feel unsure where to start, and that is entirely understandable.

A good place to start is word of mouth. If a family member or friend has been looked after by a local funeral director and speaks well of them, that personal recommendation carries real weight.

Google reviews are also genuinely useful – they give you an honest picture of how a firm treats people during an extraordinarily difficult time, and what families felt about the care they received. Hillier’s currently holds a 5.0 rating on Google and 4.8 on Trustpilot, from hundreds of families we have cared for across Swindon and Wiltshire. We are proud of those reviews – but we would encourage you to read what they actually say, not just the score, as that is where you get the truest sense of how a firm works.

Price is one consideration, but it is rarely the only one – and for many families it is not the most important. The relationship you have with your funeral director matters enormously. You will be relying on them for support and guidance at every stage, and you need to feel that you are in safe, caring, and experienced hands. At Hillier’s, we always make time to get to know you properly before discussing anything else.

What a funeral director does

When you call Hillier’s, we take on the full responsibility of the practical arrangements – so that you do not have to. Our family has been doing this for over a hundred years, caring for families across Swindon and the communities around it. From your very first call, we will:

• Bring your loved one into their care and look after them with dignity and respect.
• Guide you through the registration process and all the legal requirements.
• Help you understand all the choices available and what each one means.
• Liaise with the crematorium, cemetery, church, celebrant, florist and all other third parties on your behalf.
• Coordinate the transport arrangements and the order of the day.
• Be with you on the day of the funeral itself, making sure everything runs as it should.
• Support you – not just on the day, but before and after.

Our role is both practical and personal. We do not simply organise the arrangements – we carry much of the weight of this time alongside you. It is what we have always done, and it remains what matters most to us.

Understanding funeral costs

Since 2021, every funeral director in the UK has been required by law to publish a standardised price list – in their funeral home and on their website. This means you can compare the price of a simple attended funeral and a direct cremation and see exactly what is included in a funeral director’s own fees and what is a third-party cost, such as crematorium fees or the officiant’s charge.

This transparency is genuinely useful, but remember: the cheapest option is not always the right one. What matters most is that you feel the firm you choose will look after your loved one with care, support your family through the process, and handle every detail with the respect it deserves.

Questions worth asking a funeral director

When you first speak to a funeral director, you might want to ask:

• How will my loved one be cared for? Will they remain at your premises, and can we visit?
• Who will look after us throughout? Will we be dealing with the same person from our first call to the day of the funeral?
• What experience do you have with the type of service we are hoping to arrange – religious, humanist, cultural, or something else entirely?
• What happens on the day of the funeral? Who will be there, and what will they do?
• Are you an independent firm, or part of a larger group? Ownership and any material business interests must be disclosed by law.
• May I see your standardised price list? A good firm will offer it before you even need to ask.
• Which charges are yours and which are third-party costs passed through to us? Crematorium fees, doctors’ fees and officiant fees are separate.
• What happens if our plans need to change? What is refundable and up to what point?

You can find out more about what we do and how we look after the families in our care on our what we do and how we help page, or visit any of our four funeral homes across Swindon, Highworth, Rodbourne Cheney and Royal Wootton Bassett to talk things through in person. There is never any charge for coming in for a conversation.

4 Deciding the Format of the Service

If you have never arranged or attended a funeral before, you may not have a clear picture of what a funeral service actually looks like from the inside. The good news is that most services follow a recognisable format, whatever the background or beliefs behind them – and once you understand the shape of it, the choices become much easier to make.

Choosing the type of ceremony

The first question is what kind of service feels right for the person you are remembering – and for your family. There are four broad types:

• A religious service – led by a minister, with a full liturgy or a personal service that includes some religious elements. This is the right choice for families whose faith was part of how their loved one lived their life.
• A non-religious ceremony – no religious content, usually led by a civil celebrant or humanist officiant. Focuses entirely on the person’s life, relationships and values.
• A celebration of life – built around who the person was: their humour, their passions, the relationships they held. Can include religious or non-religious elements, or neither.
• A memorial service – held separately from the burial or cremation. This gives more time to plan, more choice over venue, date, and the format of the service.

Your funeral director will help you find the right officiant or celebrant for the type of service you are planning, and will take care of all the coordination.

The format of a typical 30-45 minute service

Most funeral services follow a format that opens, builds to the heart of the tribute, and then closes with a farewell. The structure itself is familiar, which means it holds people without them having to think about it – and that is part of why it works.

Most crematorium slots run to 30 or 45 minutes in total, which means around 25 to 35 minutes of content. If you want more time, it is possible to have a double-slot, or churches and independent venues – including our own Kingshill House Service Room – are generally far more flexible.

The eulogy and the readings

Deciding who will deliver the eulogy is one of the most important choices you will make. Give the person you ask as much time as you can – they will need time to write, to remember, and to prepare.

A eulogy of five to ten minutes is the right length for most services. It is also worth naming a fallback – someone who can step in and read it if the person you have asked finds it too much on the day. This happens far more often than people expect, and there is no shame in it whatsoever. Speaking at a funeral for someone you love is an enormous thing to ask of a person, and grief can make even the most composed people find it impossible in the moment. Planning for it in advance is simply a kindness.

Music

Music is one of the most powerful ways to set the tone of a service, and the options are far wider than many families realise. Traditional hymns, classical pieces, a favourite song the person loved – almost anything is possible. Live performance can also be arranged with advance notice.

Most crematoria use a licensed music system and can play almost any commercially released track. If you want something live, unusual, or from a personal recording, tell your funeral director early so it can be arranged properly.

Our guidance on funeral music and non-religious funerals covers the full range of options.

5 Personalising the Funeral

The most personal part of any service lies in the details you choose. And there is far more scope for this than many families realise. Your funeral director will arrange everything – your role is simply to tell them about the person you are remembering so they can help you decide on the details.

A few ideas to consider, though the best ones will come from what you know about them:

• A photograph display or slideshow covering the whole of their life – not just the final years, but the full story.
• Flowers in their favourite colours, or hand-picked from their own garden.
• A charity collection in lieu of flowers, to a charity that was close to the heart of your loved one.
• Something that says who they were – a fishing rod, a football shirt, a pair of walking boots, a sewing basket rested beside the coffin.
• A memory book placed at the door for guests to write in (this is often what families treasure most, long after the day).
• A webcast so that anyone who cannot travel can still be there, and a recording for those who find the day itself too much.
• An order of service booklet that becomes the keepsake most people hold on to.
• Release of balloons, doves or butterflies – your funeral director can advise on arrangements.
• A memorial tree or plant chosen by the family, to be planted in a meaningful place afterwards.

More families now describe the service they arranged as a celebration of life than a traditional funeral – and that shift reflects a growing recognition that the most meaningful funerals are the ones that truly reflect the person. If something feels right for who they were, ask about it – very little is genuinely not possible.

Our pages on making the funeral unique and on photographs and webcasts explain what is possible and what needs to be arranged in advance.

6 The Practical Details

Practical difficulties are the ones families remember for the wrong reasons, long after everything else has faded. Nearly all of them come down to venue, access and timing – and nearly all of them are avoidable with a little thought in the planning stages. Your funeral director will guide you through all of these, but it helps to have them in mind.

Thinking about numbers

It is worth spending a moment genuinely thinking about how many people are likely to come. A service where half the seats are empty can feel unexpectedly quiet and hollow, and a venue where people are standing in doorways or outside can feel chaotic at the worst possible moment. If you are unsure, your funeral director will help you make a realistic estimate based on the size of the family and the circle of friends and colleagues.

Accessibility

Think about the people who will be there – those who find steps difficult, who may need to sit for the whole service, or who rely on a hearing loop. It is worth asking the venue directly what provisions they have in place, and making sure the invitation mentions any details that will help people plan their journey.

Parking

It is easy to forget that crematorium car parks fill up quickly, particularly when services run close together. Including clear directions to an overflow area in the invitation – rather than just the venue address – is a small detail that makes a real difference on the day.

Music and visual tributes

If you are planning to play music, show a slideshow, or display a tribute video during the service, confirm with the venue that it can be done and that someone will be there to operate it. Your funeral director will coordinate this, but it is worth knowing in advance what the venue can and cannot accommodate.

Timing

Allow for people travelling from further away, for an older congregation that needs a little more time to arrive and settle, and for any religious or cultural requirements about when a service may take place. A service that starts on time – and allows people to gather without rushing – begins in the right spirit.

Order of service booklets

Always print more than you think you will need. People take spares for friends who could not attend, they pass them on to those who want to remember the service, and they keep them for years. It is far better to have a small surplus than to run short on the day itself.

The wake

Choose the venue early, agree on catering, and confirm numbers a few days before. If guests are travelling from further afield, sharing hotel or accommodation suggestions with the invitation is a thoughtful touch that families often overlook until it is too late.

If you are not sure where to hold the wake, we are happy to suggest options based on your numbers and what feels right for the family. Families in Swindon and the surrounding area often choose from local pubs and restaurants – popular choices include the Kingsdown Inn, The Crown Inn, The White Hart, The Tawny Owl, The Bolingbroke Arms and The Moonraker. For larger gatherings or something a little more formal, local hotels with function rooms include Blunsdon House Hotel, Stanton House Hotel, The Highworth Hotel and Chiseldon House Hotel. Golf and sports clubs are also a popular choice; Wrag Barn Golf Club and Bassett Down Golf Club are both regularly used by local families. If you are holding a service in our Kingshill House Service Room, our Wake Room there offers a relaxed and elegant space that allows everyone to continue sharing memories together without travelling to another venue afterwards.

7 Set an Honest and Realistic Budget

Spending more does not make a funeral better. A well-planned, genuinely personal service can cost considerably less than a more elaborate one that does not really reflect who the person was. What makes a funeral meaningful is the thought behind it – not the price.

To give you a realistic picture: a simple attended funeral costs around £3,828. Families then spend around £1,312 on average on the send-off – the wake, flowers, order of service booklets and so on – which brings the total to around £5,140. A traditional attended funeral costs around £4,510, and an unattended direct cremation around £1,628.

These are UK averages, and actual costs will vary depending on the choices you make.

At Hillier’s we have created a Funeral Cost Calculator which we recommend families use, as it lets you build a realistic picture of costs privately, adding and removing elements at your own pace, before you have committed to anything.

Where families most often save money

• Flowers. Choosing one family tribute and asking guests to donate to a charity in lieu of the rest is the saving families make most commonly – and often the one that feels most right.
• The coffin. Choosing a simpler coffin reduces the overall cost considerably, while changing very little about the service itself.
• The wake. Hosting at home, at a local community hall or at a friendly pub rather than a hired venue with full catering can make a significant difference.
• The time of day. An earlier or later slot, or a midweek service, can reduce crematorium and venue fees.
• Transport. Many families now make their own way to the service rather than hiring limousines.
• Music, readings and the order of service. A musically talented friend, a family member who reads, and a home-printed order of service all remove professional fees without removing anything that truly matters.

If money is a concern

Please say so at the first conversation – not the last. We will talk through the options with you honestly and without any pressure, and help you find an arrangement that is right within your means and still reflects the person properly.

If you are on a qualifying benefit, the Funeral Expenses Payment from the Department for Work and Pensions may help, though it typically covers only a portion of the total cost. Life insurance, pension death benefits, employer assistance schemes, and any pre-paid funeral plan the person held are also worth checking.

8 Cultural and Religious Considerations

Every faith and cultural tradition approaches death in its own way – with its own rituals, its own timing, and its own requirements. If you are arranging a funeral that needs to reflect a particular tradition, even in part, it is worth raising this at the very first conversation with your funeral director. Some things need to be put in place quickly.

A guide to some of the most common traditions is below. If yours is not listed, please ask us – we have arranged funerals for families from many different communities and backgrounds, and we will always take the time to understand what matters to you.

• Church of England / Anglican. Services typically follow a traditional liturgy, with hymns, prayers and readings from scripture. Churches vary in how flexible they are about incorporating personal elements. If you wish to hold the service at a specific church, it is worth speaking directly with the vicar or minister about what is possible.
• Catholic. A Catholic funeral usually includes a Requiem Mass with specific readings, prayers and rituals, and the body is typically present throughout. If the person was a practising Catholic, the local parish priest would usually lead the service.
• Jewish. Jewish tradition requires burial rather than cremation, and asks that the funeral take place as soon as possible after death – often within 24 hours. Shabbat and major festivals affect scheduling. Contact the local Jewish Burial Society (Chevra Kadisha) as early as you can.
• Islamic. Islamic tradition also requires burial rather than cremation, and as soon as is practicable after death. There are specific requirements around the preparation of the body. Contact your local mosque or an Islamic funeral director early in the process.
• Hindu and Sikh. Hindu tradition strongly favours cremation, and there are ceremonial rites that typically take place before and during the cremation, with the family playing an active role. Sikh funerals may include readings from the Guru Granth Sahib; cremation is also the tradition.
• Cultural traditions more broadly. Many families draw on cultural traditions that go beyond any specific faith – in the music chosen, the clothes worn, the food served at the wake, the language in which the service is held, or specific customs observed before or after the committal. None of this is unusual, and none of it needs explaining.

If any tradition or custom matters to you that we have not covered here, please speak to us or to your own faith or community leader. We will always work alongside whoever is guiding your family, and we will follow your lead.

9 The Final Week and the Day of the Funeral Itself

By this point, we will be managing almost all of the arrangements on your behalf. The final week is mostly about confirmation – making sure everyone has what they need and that nothing has been overlooked. These are the things that stay with the family to take care of in the last few days.

• Send any final music files, photographs and slideshow to your funeral director, and confirm the running order with them.
• Confirm every speaker and reader, and make sure each person has a printed copy of what they will be delivering.
• Let everyone know the timings, the venue, the parking arrangements, the dress code, and where the wake will be held.
• Confirm numbers with the wake venue and agree what time the room will be available from.
• Decide who travels in which car, and where the immediate family will gather beforehand.
• Nominate one person to greet people at the door, so the closest family are not standing in the entrance receiving condolences before the service has even begun.
• Prepare any thank-you acknowledgements for those who have helped with the arrangements.

In the same week, we will confirm all venue bookings and timings, distribute the order of service to the officiant, musicians and readers, arrange the transport and the route, coordinate the flowers and their delivery, and make sure someone is in place to operate the music and any visual tribute on the day. We will call you to run through everything before the day itself, so nothing is left to chance.

One last thing – and it sounds small, but we will tell you the same thing we tell every family: eat something on the morning of the funeral, and keep water with you throughout the day. It is the single most practical thing you can do for yourself.

10 Talking About Wishes in Advance

Most of the difficulty in this checklist comes from one thing: not knowing what the person would have wanted. It is very common – and entirely understandable – to find yourself making decisions on behalf of someone without any clear sense of their wishes. That is not a failure. It simply reflects the fact that most of us never quite get round to these conversations.

Fewer than a third knew any preference about music or readings. Going through this process is often what prompts people to start thinking about their own wishes, to make a will, or to consider a pre-paid plan.

Writing down your wishes takes very little time, and it removes a considerable weight from the people you leave behind. You can record your funeral wishes on our website without paying for anything, or fix the costs of your own funeral with one of our pre-paid funeral plans. If you would like to talk it through with us first, we are always here.

Common Questions

How We Can Help

Hillier Funeral Service is a family-run business led by Rebecca Hillier and her father Mark. We have been looking after families across Swindon and the surrounding area for over a hundred years – four generations of the same family, in the same community. We are an independent funeral directors, not part of a national group, which means every arrangement is made by people who live and work here, who are accountable to the families they serve, and who genuinely care about getting every detail right.

If you are at the very beginning of this, our page on what to do when someone dies covers the first 48 hours, and the first step explains what happens when you call us.